能给我的托福作文评下分吗,大后天就要考了,

能给我的托福作文评下分吗,大后天就要考了,
是否同意people benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries
The statement claims that people benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.I concede that in some aspects,this claim has several considerable merits,yet it ignores certain compelling points that actually,human knowledge advancing has more to do with their wide insight,and traveling to foreign countries can play a more pivotal role for people to learn more about life,which provides the necessary impetus for their seeking of personal fulfillment.
One point that can aptly illustrate this is that people traveling to other countries provide outlets for communications between them who differ in tradition,morality,ideology.People in the world are more closely integrated into a whole society,they share their viewpoints,interests,experiences and so forth.In the past decade,we have seen rapid expansion of international communication and cooperation.It provides excellent basis for our approach towards a better society.Interaction and telecommunications are no longer a luxury or an option,unless one wishes to be left out or left alone.It is primarily through this kind of contact that human knowledge advances,whether at the personal,community or global level.
Consider another example,like people in China,what they should know is not only the great historical scenes like the Great Wall,the summer palace,the Tian men square,but also hold a better understanding of the civilization of other famous countries.For example,the ancient Greek,which is famous at the democratic society,high achievements of science and flourishing culture.The period is so far from us now that we can hardly know what happened at that great old country.The most efficient way attributed to better understanding it is to visit their relics and long-lasting buildings.It gives us the opportunity to appreciate where we came from and what we ought to do now.Respecting these profound and beautiful buildings can provide positive feedback and constructive protest for us,if taken to heart,can result in better work in our life.
To sum up,I agree that people should travel to foreign countries to learn more about history and widen their sight.
托福作文没练过几篇,因为现在正准备GRE的作文,不知道有没有哪些要改进的地方,