If you want to succeed,you must ...这句话对吗?

问题描述:

If you want to succeed,you must ...这句话对吗?
If you want to succeed,you must strive with ambition and confidence,and persevere until your dream come true.这句话有语法错误吗?

If you want to get success,you have to strive with ambition and confidence.Besides,you need to persevere until your dream comes true.which is better than yours,isn't it?